The Haunting of Haruhi Suzumiya
by The Plaid Slytherin
Summary: The SOS Brigade investigates a haunted house, with predictable results. Written for the Trick or Treat exchange on AO3.


The Western-style house at the end of the road had not been there before, I was certain.

"This house is haunted," Haruhi declared. She had her hands on her hips and her head tilted back, looking up at the looming, dark shape before us like it was a castle to be conquered.

"R-Really?" Asahina lifted loose fists to her mouth in the sort of gesture I didn't think anyone actually did in real life. _Asahina, please continue to be too cute to live!_

"I'm certain." Haruhi's posture did not change. Already, I could tell that the odd things that tend to happen because of her were at work again.

I looked at Koizumi, hoping he would shed some light on the situation. He was merely smiling his same smile, looking for all the world like this was a normal way to spend a Sunday.

I gazed up at the house again. I was _certain_ it hadn't been there yesterday, and you don't build that sort of house overnight. It looked like it was at least a hundred years old and had been abandoned for fifty. Which is strange, because none of the houses in this neighborhood is older than forty.

Haruhi pushed the wrought iron gate open. It gave an eerie creak and she shuddered with delight. "Definitely haunted!" She darted up on the front porch and despite myself, I winced. It looked like it wasn't going to hold her weight.

"Haru—" I began, but she already had the front door open.

"Hurry up!" she called.

Koizumi and Asahina moved up the front walk, Asahina watching the bushes warily. I was about to follow, but I felt someone grab the back of my shirt.

Nagato.

"What is it?"

She paused for a moment before speaking. "There is the possibility that this house is truly haunted."

"There is?"

"Yes. That possibility is .0000000001%."

I considered that. It didn't seem too big. I nodded and stepped through the gate.

"The possibility just increased. It is now .0001%."

I swallowed hard.

"Kyon!" a voice called from within the house. The doorway now looked like some beast's gaping maw. "Come inside! I think we can get some really great recordings!"

I shifted the bag that held all the sound equipment. Did I really want to go in there?

Nagato trudged past me and into the house. That left me the only one outside. A gust of wind set the loose shutters on the second floor clattering against the front of the house. It wasn't that I was scared. It was a startle response. I bolted into the house. The door swung shut behind me, plunging us into total darkness.

Haruhi squealed in delight. Asahina let out a frightened gasp.

"Kyon! Flashlight!" Haruhi demanded. Hands fumbled about my person, searching for the bag. I hoped it was her, and not a ghost.

Finally, she found the zipper, pulled out a flashlight, and switched it on. She grinned evilly, her face illuminated from below. "Let's go."

Koizumi and I pulled out flashlights, too. The house had a soaring entryway, dominated by a cobwebbed chandelier. The stairs leading to the second floor were covered in threadbare carpet. I didn't trust them to support us, so I was glad when Haruhi turned her flashlight to the door to our left.

I recall that in that kind of scenario you're supposed to have a beautiful girl (Asahina), a smart girl (Nagato), a guy who's good at making plans (Koizumi), and a guy with some sense about venturing into spooky places (that's me).

I suppose that would make Haruhi the dog.

The left-hand door proved to be a parlor. An old-fashioned couch and chairs sagged under the weight of dust. Something skittered between our feet and ran under the piano.

"Kyon!" Haruhi cried. The beam from her flashlight bobbed in her excitement, catching me full in the face. "Get your recording equipment set up! That was the sound of a ghost."

I thought it was the sound of a rat. But, even so, I pulled out my tape recorder and pressed the button.

We waited.

Haruhi tapped her foot impatiently. "Where are those ghosts?" Then, she took off for the doorway. I had no choice but to follow. If I didn't, I was sure to get yelled at. Maybe I'm the dog.

I found Haruhi in the dining room.

"We have to come back the night of the blood moon," she was saying, as though I had been with her the whole time. "Then the spirits will come out and resume their ghostly feast!" She shivered.

I looked down at the dining table. It was set with silver and china, looking like dinner was about to be served, if not for the cobwebs that covered everything.

"I wonder—" I began, when there was a sudden gust of cold wind that tore through the house. I heard Asahina scream from the other room. I bolted for the door, but it slammed shut in my face. When I tried to open it, it was locked.

"Asahina! Koizumi! Nagato!" I pounded on the door. "Are you okay out there?"

"We're fine." Koizumi's voice was calm and easy, although muffled by the door. "Just a small gale."

"Inside the house?"

He didn't have anything to say to that. I imagined his unchanged expression. "We'll try to get you out," he said. "Don't go anywhere."

Where would we go?

I turned back to Haruhi. "Did you hear that?" I asked her, but she wasn't looking at me. She was looking at the mirror that hung over the sideboard.

"Kyon, come look at this."

All I saw was her reflection in the mirror, then mine when I stood next to her.

Then I saw something move in the background of our reflection. I whipped around. There was nothing there.

"Ooh, look!" Haruhi pointed.

A figure was shuffling up behind her. She leaned forward to get a closer look at it in the mirror. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a hand reach out for her shoulder.

"Haruhi!" I shoved her out of the way. Her flashlight hit the floor and rolled under the table.

"Kyon, what are you doing?"

That was when I heard the moaning. It seemed to come from all around us.

"Ghosts!" She sounded elated. Someone's knees were knocking together. I guess they were mine.

Before I could stop her, she was on the other side of the table. "Show yourself, spirit!"

There was a clanking noise, like a chain being dragged down some stairs. It seemed to be coming from behind me, so I edged around the table.

"Kyon, are you recording?"

I looked down at the tape recorder hanging from my shoulder. The red light was blinking. "Yeah." I wasn't sure _what_ we were recording, but we were recording.

With the flashlight under the table and the windows too grimy to let in any of the dim October afternoon light, it was almost pitch black. I could hear the chains moving closer and closer, then a creaking sound. Was there a door on the other side of the room? I hadn't noticed it.

"Haruhi," I whispered. "There's really…"

"Ghosts! I know!" Her eyes were shining. She pressed in closer to me, shivering in delight. "Maybe we'll hear a message from beyond on the tape."

Suddenly, there was a bang and a rush of air, dropping the temperature in the room about ten degrees. Haruhi screamed and grabbed me. Or I screamed and grabbed her. I wasn't sure which. There was a ghoulish laugh that went right to my bones.

I didn't know how long we were standing there before someone touched my shoulder. I screamed. It was Koizumi, still smiling affably. The sunshine streaming through the windows was a lot brighter than I remembered it being before.

"I hope you weren't waiting too long," Koizumi said cheerfully. "Nagato managed to jimmy the lock open."

I'm sure she did.

That was when I noticed Asahina and Nagato watching us cautiously from the doorway.

Then I realized I was still holding on to Haruhi. She had her face pressed against my jacket.

"Haruhi?" I hazarded.

I was expecting her to push me away, to act like she hadn't just been hanging on to me (unless I was hanging on to her). Instead, she looked up, eyes shining with excitement.

"Kyon! Let's listen to that tape!"

We went back outside to play it. There wasn't much. Us talking, then a bunch of screaming and crashing around. My voice yelling Haruhi's name.

She stared at the tape recorder for a long time after it cut out. "That was a good start," she said. Then, she looked up, determination in her eyes. "We'll have to come back and try again. Next Friday at midnight!"

"Next Friday?" Koizumi said thoughtfully. "I'll have to bow out. I'm visiting relatives."

"Oh," Asahina said, "Tsuruya asked me to stay over."

"I have plans, too," Nagato said.

"Really?" Haruhi scowled. "You'll have to do, Kyon." She didn't quite look at me. "Don't be late."

I assured her I wouldn't. We all went our separate ways to go home.

Back in my room, I popped open the tape recorder. Since we hadn't gotten anything, maybe I could record over the tape.

It wasn't there.

I frowned. Haruhi must have taken it. I wondered why.

Who knows why she does anything?


End file.
